Dubious

“How old are you?”

“22”

A  and Mr S was having a conversation about marriage. Mr. S looked rather disagree with A’s decision. Curious, I asked:

“How old were you when you get married, sir?”

“24”

“Well, that’s only like 2 years apart, is it?”

“yeah, but it makes  lots of differences”

“How so?”

“you are more mature, you have a job..” he stopped and looked at N. I was expecting a lot more reasons than that but doesn't matter really.

“What about you, you are 22 as well, why aren't you getting married?”

“My parents won’t allow me, they think I’m too young for being married” N explained.

I knew he was going to ask me then and just when I thought that he would, he did.

“I’m not really open to the idea of getting married early, to me 27 is the ideal age to be wedded”

I’m not ready yet and it’s not fair for future my husband and my children, I don’t think it’s wise to just decide to be someone’s wife and mother knowing that you are not ready and that you probably cannot give your best, I looked down trying to shut the voice I heard inside me. Looked at NN, smiled to her, and she agrees with her eyes and smile. NN shares the same view.

“What? But society expects you to do so”

“I don’t think I have to live my life according to what society sees best”

Defensive. That’s the word he used to describe me.

“you’ll be a misfit to the society then” I knew he was trying to get me to join the heating up conversation.

“I can live with that”.

Flashed a smile. Trying to tell him that it doesn't bother me.

But it does.

And I hate that.